Harry Potter au where Harry didn’t lose being a parsletongue and Albus buys a snake as a pet one year because snakes are cool and one day just walks in on Harry and the snake having a deep conversation
Albus is 17 and loses his virginity in his room and forgets the snake talks to his dad and when Harry gets home the snake is all like OH MY GOSH YOU’D NEVER GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHAT HAPPENED
when someone you hate is having a bad day
I’m going to hell omg
The older I get the more this resonates with me
ARE YOU FUCKING READY FOR THE BEST FACE CLEANSER OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?
OF COURSE YOU ARE. LETS DO THIS SHIT
THIS SHIT IS NATURAL AND SINCE THIS STUFF ISNT 400% BURNING CHEMICALS YOUR FACE ISNT GOING TO PEEL ITSELF OFF, IN FACT ITS GONNA BE SOFT AS FUCK. YOU JUST WATCH.
YOURE GONNA NEED
A SPRAY BOTTLE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE PREVIOUSLY HELD THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES
A BIG ASS BOTTLE OF WITCH HAZEL (16 oz. is good bro)
THE SCREAMING OIL OF SOME TEA TREES
AND SOME COTTON BALLS OR COTTON SQUARES
ALRIGHT FIRST OFF, TAKE THE CAP OFF ALL THE BOTTLES BECAUSE CAPS GET IN YOUR WAY AND NO ONE IS GOING TO GET IN YOUR WAY TODAY BITCH
POUR THAT SWEET ASS WITCH HAZEL AND TEA TREE OIL INTO THAT SQUIRT BOTTLE. THIS SHIT MAY NOT BE HOLY WATER TO SQUIRT AT DEMONS BUT ITS READY TO CLEANSE YOUR SKIN OF THOSE UNHOLY FUCKS WE CALL ACNE.
ONCE YOUVE GOT THAT SHIT TIGHT IN THE BOTTLE PUT THE TOP BACK ON AND SHAKE IT LIKE A FUCKING POLAROID PICTURE BECAUSE THAT OIL IS A WIMPY FUCK WHO WANTS TO STAY WITH ITS OWN KIND. DONT TAKE THE OIL AS AN EXAMPLE. THROW YOURSELF OUT THERE AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH THAT FUCKING WITCH HAZEL BECAUSE YOUR SKIN IS GONNA BE CLEAR AS PORCELAIN ONCE YOURE DONE WITH THIS BOTTLE
TAKE ONE OF THOSE DAMNED COTTON SQUARES AND SPRITZ THE SHIT OUT OF IT
TAKE THAT SHIT TO YOUR FACE AND RUB IT AROUND. FEEL THE STRENGTH FLOCK TO YOU AS YOUR BLEMISHES ARE DEMOLISHED AND YOU ARE LEFT WITH YOUR ALWAYS PERFECT FACE
AND IF YOURE NOT DONE WITH THIS SHIT YET BUT YOUVE GOT A HELLA HUGE ZIT ON YOUR FACE, CLEAN IT WITH THIS AND PUT SOME NEOSPORIN ON AS A SPOT TREATMENT
NOTHING IS GOING TO FUCKING STOP YOU WITH THIS, SO SCREECH IN VICTORY, BEAUTIFUL
when my parents complain about me
i hate this website
This is art.
when someone you don’t like loves the same song as you